The Two People I Am Inside
by Nadja Lee
Summary: The two voices in Scott's mind fight for control.


The Two People I Am Inside                  

By Nadja Lee     

English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.

Disclaimer: "X-men" and all the characters here belong to Marvel , 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.

Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.

Timeline: Set after the movie

Universe: Movie (or comic)

Pairing: Scott/Jean, Scott/Storm

Summary: The two voices in Scott's head fights for control…

Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.

Feedback: Yes, please. It would mean so much to me.

Rating: PG - 13

Thanks to Christina for the Beta.

_" We all have two faces. The one we show the world and the one we hide in the shadows"_

_- Val Kilmer as Batman in "Batman Forever"_

Part 1:

" Rogue? Rogue, are you alright?" Cyclops asked concerned as he found the young girl. Or rather he saw her hand sticking out through the rubbles. He had taken Rogue for a shopping trip where they had run into a newly escaped Magneto and his mutants. Cyclops had prepared for a fight and had stood in front of Rogue which had turned out to be a mistake as Magneto only wanted to cover his escape. He had made some brigs and part of a building fall towards Cyclops and Rogue. Cyclops had tried to push Rogue out of the way but hadn't quite succeeded. Now she was trapped beneath the debris.

" Ah'm…alright but Ah'm stuck," Rogue answered, fear in her voice. Two big poles had made a kind of shelter for her but how long would it hold? He couldn't blast her free without hitting her but he had to do something. Cyclops took hold of Rogue's gloved hand sticking out from the rubbles and knew what he had to do.

" I'll take off your glove. Touch me and you can use my powers to blast yourself free," Cyclops said to her.

* Are you mad?! What if she can't control it? She'll find out…. find out...about me* Scott hissed in his mind.

* Back off. This is the right thing to do* Cyclops demanded and began to remove Rogue's glove.

* Do this and you'll lose everything you hold dear. Charles's respect, Jean's love…all gone. Do you really think they'll still care…if they knew whom you are inside? * Scott asked mercilessly.

* You are wrong. You are no part of me. Go away* Cyclops demanded.

* I'm no part of you? Cyclops, I AM you, * Scott reminded him with a hard laughter.

* NO! I'll have nothing to do with you. I locked you away long away. * 

* Cyclops, Cyclops. You are deceiving yourself. You are the illusion and I the real thing. You are nothing but Charles's creation. You have no real life, no real emotions. I am Scott Summers. I am real. I live. I feel, * Scott said and something made Cyclops stop his hand's way towards Rogue's now ungloved one.

* That…that is not true. I am Cyclops. I lead the X-men. I follow Xavier's dream of peace. I do what I must. What is right, no matter what. My pleasures are few, I live for the team and for the dream. *

*Who are you trying to fool? Me or yourself? I was here first, remember? Remember back in time…. * Scott demanded harshly.

* NO. I will not. It will bring nothing. *

* But it will. It'll make you see the truth. The truth that I am the real thing. I live and I feel. *

* Nothing you can show me will weaken me. My belief is too strong, * Cyclops said but his tone lacked the confidence of his words.

* Then journey with me through the memories you have suppressed. Your birth by two loving parents. Your parents' death. Your loneliness at the orphanage. That was where I started to live, remember? The older boys bullied you, teased you, hurt you. I would help you. I beat them up and I did it good. Remember how I send a few of them to the hospital? Remember how good it felt to unleash all that anger, hate and frustration into another? The trill you felt by it even as a part of you was repulsed by it? *

* I was just a kid. I did not know how wrong I was, * Cyclops protested.

* Really? Let's move on then. To Jack. Remember Jack? Remember the beatings he gave you? Remember the fear, the frustration, the anger and the hate? Remember what I did to him when you were finally old enough to stand up to him? Remember how I burned him to ashes with my eyes? * Excitement was in Scott's voice.

* No. Be quit. I will not hear it. I…I can't remember any of this, * Cyclops protected.

* I think you can. You have just buried it deep down. Remember how you ran from the cops after Jack's murder? That was how you came to live on the streets. Remember the things I did to make you survive. Nobility and goodness will only get you killed on the streets. What matters is brutality and force; violence, and I gave you that. Remember the secret pleasure you took in the fear in the others eyes when they saw you? Finally you were the strong. *

* You are wrong. I…I'm not like that, * Cyclops denied. He couldn't be like that…could he?

* Even after Xavier found you and made Cyclops, made all that goodness and perfection come forth I was still here. When you were in battle I was free. I ravished in the blood and pain, in the violence and hate. That was my world. And remember; I AM you, * Scott reminded him with the mercilessness he had come to have.

* You are NOT me. I will have nothing to do with you. Leave me, * Cyclops demanded.

* I can't. You never understood that, did you? All people have a light and a dark side. But you, like your creator, Charles, have suppressed your dark nature. But it still lives inside you and only waits to break free. And believe me; one day I WILL have control. You can't trap me in here forever. No human can. *

* I'm damn well gonna try, * Cyclops said determined and his hand reached for Rogue's again. 

* Fine, then touch the brat. See what good saving her will do you. Do you really think your love, Jean, the perfect and goody to shoes Jean, will love you when she through Rogue sees me? Will she be able to look your monster in the eyes and still give love? No one has ever done that. Will Charles be able to? What will they say when they see that when you say `love me` you mean `hurt me`? * Scott warned and Cyclops stopped again.

* They…they love me, * Cyclops protested weakly.

* No. That's where you are wrong. They love the illusion you have made. They love Cyclops. But will they ever be able to love Scott Summers, will all his hate and frustration? Will all his loneliness and despair? Will all his distaste in authorities? Will all his faults and scars? Will they really? * 

* I…. Yes! Jean loves me. She loves me, * Cyclops insisted.

* It isn't me you should try to convince but then again maybe it isn't me you're trying to convince after all," Scott said softly. There was silence for a while before he spoke again; 

*Did you really think that you could break the ring? * 

* What ring? *

* The ring of life. Your childhood was filled with pain. With sorrows and scars. Pain produces pain and…. hate produces hate. All people ever showed you were that; hate, anger…beatings and punishment…. loneliness…an outcast. Did you really think you could break the circle? That you could remain strong? Never break down? That you wouldn't give in to that anger and hate they have planted in you? Surprise, Cyclops. You are NOT and will never be infallible. You have blood on your hands that you just wouldn't see. You have done wrongs in your life that you refuse to see. You seek life's pleasures as much as the next. I AM you, Cyclops. I know your thoughts, your dreams of Ororo, of unleashing the fire within her and fly free with her. Break free from all the responsibility and what is right. *

* Get away from me. This is the right thing to do, * Cyclops said determined and moved his hand closer to Rogue's.

* It may be the right thing to do but it isn't what you want to do. You risk losing all. Don't be a fool. No one has seen you with her. Leave the girl. *

* But…. she could die. *

* So what? People die every day. What is one more? * Scott asked coldly. Unknown to Cyclops's conscious mind, his hand had stopped again.

* I…care for her. *

* Sure you do but think what will happen. What you risk losing. Look out for number one and leave her. She might even survive. * 

For a while Cyclops looked like he was actually considering this. The thought of losing Jean and Charles scared him.

* NO! I will not do as you say. She is my friend and I love her. She is worth the risk even if she should find out…. about you, * Cyclops said firmly and his hand was inches from Rogue's.

* Remember, Cyclops, I AM you and I can't be defeated. I'm a part of you and always will be. And one day…. I WILL win this battle. For I am the real Scott. You were made. Forged by Charles's dream. I am not. If anything I'm his worst nightmare. A man with scars on body and soul who will fight back, who will never be defeated. A man who will always come up on top…. because he didn't give a shit about the others. Because he actually found a sick pleasure in seeing them hurt………you, you seek the hurt they bring you, I, I seek the pain I give them, * Scott warned as Cyclops's hand was near Rogue's.

* Then I'll fight you. Again and again if I have to. You may be a part of me but it is no part I'll ever allow to win. You may have been forged by the cruelty of my childhood but I was forged by the love for a dream, * Cyclops said determined and his hand brushed Rogue's.

* Go ahead and try. Let's see who is the strongest in time; a naive dream…. or cold, hard reality. Let's see who comes out on top, * Scott said with a cruel laughter as Cyclops took a firm grip on Rogue's hand. 

" Ahhhhhh!" Cyclops screamed in pain as Rogue sucked the life and his powers from him. His mind was slipping and the never ending fight in his head was for once quit as Rogue got both his powers and voices. 

* Let her deal with them for a while. I'm so tired of fighting all the time, * Cyclops thought weakly as he lost consciousness.

* One day, Cyclops…I will be free, * Scott's voice whispered as Cyclops's world went black.

The End 


End file.
